


The Warmth of the Heart

by Moonliel



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, Kissing, M/M, Magic Revealed, Missing Scenes, Pre-Slash, S03E08 Eye of the Phoenix, Self-Esteem Issues, ish, onesided Merlin/Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 05:09:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12028815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonliel/pseuds/Moonliel
Summary: Missing scenes from S03E08 "The Eye of the Phoenix"Merlin, Gwaine, and Arthur make their way back to Camelot and learn some new things about themselves and each other along the way. Gwaine wants Merlin but isn't sure he could come between Merlin and Arthur. Arthur just wants to get home with the trident but is forced to confront his views on Merlin. And Merlin just wants everyone to get along.end game Gwaine/Merlin





	The Warmth of the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Aside from Merlin/Arthur, Gwaine/Merlin is my other OTP. Gwaine cares for Merlin in a way that Arthur is too afraid to show and is able to be there for Merlin in ways that Arthur can't and Merlin deserves all the love he could get.
> 
> First time writing for this pairing. This is a self-indulgent story :)

* * *

 

Leaving the tower of the Fisher King left an odd feeling for all three of them. Arthur was proud that his quest had been successful but he had lost the bracelet Morgana had given him. Merlin was somber over killing the Fisher King and the knowledge of the gift that was bestowed upon him. He knew that water from the Lake of Avalon was rare but the warning that accompanied it was not sitting well with him. Gwaine wasn’t really sure what to make about his meeting with Arthur and Merlin again and the words that the man on the bridge spoke rang within him, straining him to figure out what the man meant but the thought always skittering out of reach.

* * *

“We should make camp before continuing on,” said Arthur once they were out of the Perilous Lands and back into the forest. The sun was almost set and it was getting harder to see. They came upon the bridge and could see their horses and provisions left on the other side.

“Ah, I see you have made it back in one piece,” the man on the bridge said, humor coating his words. “I told you that you would not be able to complete this journey alone,” teased the small man, aiming his words at Arthur.

Arthur just scowled in return but before anyone could say anything the small man just disappeared with the sound of tinkling bells.

“You all saw that, right?” questioned Gwaine, his thoughts moving a mile a minute. Something, some knowledge, kept pressing into his head but he could not make out what it was trying to tell him. 

Arthur just clenched his jaw and strode forward, ignoring the obvious magic he just saw while Merlin bit the inside of his cheek to hide his nerves. “I did, but let’s just...ignore that,” he bit out, hoping no one thought about the words  _ courage, strength, magic _ .

They set up camp with little fanfare. Merlin collected the firewood and set up a fire while Gwaine and Arthur went to catch something to eat.

“You should be a little more thankful that Merlin came to help,” said Gwaine as he and Arthur walked back to camp with a few rabbits.

Arthur scowled. “Merlin knew I had to do this quest alone and he never listens. Neither of you should have be here.”

“You’d be dead if we hadn’t came,” grunted out Gwaine angrily. This was why he hated nobles - always so full of themselves and unwilling to thank those that helped.

Arthur swallowed an angry retort. It was true and he hated to admit it. Without Merlin’s help he would have been killed by the wyverns. “Alright, fine,” Arthur hissed out unhappily. “Thank you, Gwaine for helping me out,” said Arthur, the words sounding a little more genuine.

Gwaine was a little impressed at the admittance. “Didn’t do it for you, but I’ll accept the thanks just the same,” he replied with a grin. Arthur turned to look at him. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Gwaine’s reasoning. It seemed the man was unimpressed with him and had only helped because it was  _ Merlin _ that asked. Arthur could feel something akin to jealousy stirring within, but clamped it down tightly.

“Besides, like I said, it’s not me you need to thank,” continued on Gwaine, a serious look in his eyes. Arthur hadn’t noticed it before, but he couldn’t deny it now. It seemed that Gwaine had a soft spot where Merlin was concerned and wanted Arthur to care for his servant a little better.

Arthur just turned away and trudged back to camp where Merlin was already laying out some of their rationed bread and cheese and full waterskins.

“Here,” said Arthur as he handed the rabbits to Merlin. Merlin just looked up from the log he was perched on and took the rabbits. He skinned them easily with dexterity bred from years of habit.

Gwaine sat opposite, skinning his own rabbit. He tried to stare at the fire but his eyes continued to flit toward Arthur and Merlin.

Their relationship had always puzzled Gwaine. He knew that Merlin was Arthur’s servant but he was intrigued and a little concerned with Merlin’s devotion to the prince. Arthur was confusing. One minute he was treating Merlin like a friend and confidant and the next he’s dismissing him as a servant. Gwaine wasn’t sure what to make of their relationship with one another, but he couldn’t deny he was a little jealous at their closeness.  
  
Merlin was sweet, funny, and big-hearted and it drew Gwaine in like no other person had managed before. There was something about Merlin that he just couldn’t put his finger on, but he just attributed it Merlin’s innate  _ Merlin-ness. _

He hadn’t been lying when he said that Merlin was his only friend. After their first meeting he hadn’t been able to get the man out of his head. He hated that he was banished from Camelot and that Merlin’s devotion forced him to stay with Arthur. In a way he had wanted to ask Merlin to accompany him, travel and see the world but he knew it was not his place to ask that of his newfound friend. It seemed that there couldn’t be a Merlin without an Arthur - they were a packaged deal. It didn’t get rid of his feelings though. 

After he left Camelot his life resorted back to what it had been before those two had entered it. He became a sellsword whenever he wanted to earn some coin and spent his days in and out of taverns, gambling and drinking to his heart’s content. Regardless that he had always lived this way he started to feel hollow from the inside out. Merlin crossed his mind more than once and the promise of stability and a new future was out of reach but didn’t stop Gwaine from dreaming about it.

He hadn’t known just how much he wanted that until he had met Merlin. He never cared for attachments, safety, nor possessions. He honestly never expected to live as long as he had at the rate he was going. That all changed after that fateful day in the tavern and Gwaine inwardly chuckled at the irony of it all. Taverns are what led to the life he had before Merlin and a tavern helped them find each other more than once. Perhaps in whatever life he built from now on, taverns would still be a part of it.

When Merlin found him at the tavern, his own hair dripping with ale and broken pottery, Gwaine couldn’t have been more happy. It was odd how every negative feeling he had was washed away simply by Merlin’s presence. He honestly never expected to ever see him again but wasn’t one to deny himself when presented a gift.

Merlin seemed to need his help and who was he to deny his friend anything. Of course it was really Arthur that needed the help and Gwaine again accepted that the two were a packaged deal.

Merlin’s sassy and cheerful nature warmed something inside Gwaine that he hadn’t realized had grown cold and frigid. Slowly he let himself open up and he could tell that Merlin appreciated the gesture. The words were true after all - he didn’t come to help Arthur, he only came because it was Merlin that needed the help. 

 

[His life had grown dull anyway and a sporadic quest to save a prince(cess) from a tower seemed just the thing to liven it up]

 

Focusing back to the present Gwaine caught the end of Arthur and Merlin’s conversation.

“Well I knew you’d muddle it up anyway, dollophead,” said Merlin as he turned the skewer that was roasting the rabbit.

“Shut up,  _ Mer _ lin,” drawled out Arthur as he lightly shoved Merlin, a grin overtaking his face. Gwaine envied their easy camaraderie but he was also delighted that Merlin received the recognition he deserved. 

They ate without much fanfare. Most of the talk over dinner were random little stories of Gwaine’s misadventures and passed on tales.

“I’ll take first watch,” muttered Merlin as he saw that Arthur was dozing off. The cursed eye of the phoenix must have snared more of Arthur’s strength than he realized. It was actually a miracle that he had made it this long.

Arthur didn’t question it and instead just went to his bedroll, stabbing his sword into the ground near his head. “Good night,” he added absently as he curled into himself.

Gwaine moved over to Merlin’s log, slumping down so he could lean against it, his arm brushing Merlin’s leg.

“I guess I can keep a closer watch on you,” cheekily said Merlin as he bent his head over Gwaine. 

Gwaine let a salacious grin. “I’ll let you watch me plenty,” he teased.

Merlin’s face blushed red, caught completely off-guard. He was surprised at the rush of fondness and desire that ran through him. “Um…” he stuttered out. Ever since leaving Ealdor he hadn’t really had time to think about his baser needs and never allowed himself the luxury of letting anyone get close to him like Freya had. He had loved Freya, or at least the thought of her and what she could represent but it just wasn’t meant to be.

Now here, with Gwaine and a warm fire, Merlin’s thoughts reigned a little freer. He could feel his face flush as his thoughts ran through his head as he took in Gwaine’s roguish smile and silken hair.

“Wake me when it’s my turn,” said Gwaine, inwardly pleased with the reaction he garnered. He wasn’t sure how Merlin felt about being with a man but it seemed he was more open to it than he could have wished for. Gwaine had hardly done anything and Merlin was already blushing. Maybe his hopeless wish to be happy with Merlin wasn’t so hopeless after all. 

Merlin nodded and turned his attention to the fire. “Good night, Gwaine,” he muttered, his heart fluttering as he felt warmth seep into his leg from where Gwaine’s arm still pressed against him.

* * *

“Gwaine,” whispered Merlin as he shook the man’s shoulder lightly. Gwaine murmured something nonsensical as he curled into himself further. Merlin sidled onto the floor as he gripped Gwaine’s shoulder a little tighter. He glanced quickly to Arthur to make sure he didn’t wake him. He leaned closer to Gwaine, his lips close to his ear as he whispered to him to wake up. Gwaine shook his head, his hair flopping lightly as he woke. He turned to Merlin, the sleepiness leaving his eyes quickly.

“My turn then?” Gwaine whispered back, immensely happy that the first thing he saw upon waking was Merlin’s face. It was an odd feeling. He seldomly woke up happy. Usually he would wake with a groan of despair, realizing he was alive another day without much to do or anyone of substance to talk to. He took in how close Merlin was to him, their faces mere inches apart and wished he could just lean forward and press his lips against Merlin’s. He wanted to see what Merlin’s reaction would be, wanted to see the appetizing flush on his face, wanted to taste him and hold him and never let him go.

Gwaine was surprised at his own thoughts. He couldn’t pinpoint when his thoughts had made that turn, but with every day he spent in Merlin’s presence he could clearly see a bright future looming before him and he wished with everything he had that he could just reach out and take it.

However, he had no idea how Merlin felt, especially about him. He knew that Arthur meant more to Merlin than Arthur knew himself. He had seen how fidgety Merlin was when they rode, how his eyes looked heavy with worry the night before they crossed the Perilous Lands as he thought of Arthur. He had also seen the joy at finding the prince alive, even if it was tinged with exasperation. Gwaine wasn’t sure if he could come between that and he was definitely worried that if Merlin could have a prince what would he want with a sellsword drunkard like him.

Gwaine wasn’t usually this self-depreciative and it was odd how the thought of Merlin brought both happiness and sadness. It wasn’t that he blamed either Merlin or Arthur, it was just that for some reason he felt that Merlin expected more from him, wanted Gwaine to be  _ better _ than he was. It was a new feeling but Gwaine found himself wanting to do that for Merlin, to be that man for Merlin and then maybe he could see him instead of just Arthur all the time.

“I’m going to try and sleep a few hours, but then we should probably start heading back,” murmured Merlin gently as he slid down and leaned against the log, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes closed.

“Alright, good night Merlin,” said Gwaine as his eyes roamed over Merlin’s face hungrily now that he didn’t have those wide blue eyes staring at him. He looked his fill and then looked some more. Merlin passed out almost as soon as his eyes closed, his chest moving slowly as he took in deep breaths. Gwaine stared at the shadows cast on Merlin’s face from the fire, the sharp contours of his face made him seem a bit otherworldly, like a fey creature. The pale skin, dark and long lashes on his face and full lips - it was a wonder that Arthur hadn’t swept him up yet.

Seeing the interaction between the two back at the Fisher King’s castle Gwaine knew with certainty that the two were not romantically together. It was in their body language and the way they spoke to one another. However, it was obvious that they both cared for one another. Merlin with devotion and Arthur with protectiveness. They would glance at one another and snipe sharp, but friendly words back and forth with a ease born of years together. Gwaine wished he could have something like that with another person and deep inside he wished that person was Merlin.

* * *

“Rise and shine, princess,” chirped Gwaine happily as the sun rose enough to see by. Arthur startled awake but then groaned as he curled into himself tighter wishing he had a large blanket to hide under.

“Ugh, not you too,” he said into his arms. “Don’t you have anything original to say when waking someone?”

Merlin let out a laugh as he too got up and started covering the smouldering fire with dirt. He made his way over to Arthur and started dragging his arms away from under Arthur’s chest. “Let’s have you, lazy daisy,” cheerfully said Merlin as he continued to drag Arthur up into a sitting position. Arthur just shot him a glare and lightly punched him in the shoulder. Merlin just grinned dopily and Arthur smiled back at him. He slapped away Merlin’s arms and climbed to his feet.

Gwaine took in the scene with a mixture of bitter fondness. These two were simply ridiculous.

“Merlin, finish packing up. The sooner we make it to Camelot the sooner we complete the quest,” said Arthur as he straightened his mail and sheathed his sword.

Merlin puttered around their camp and also took out some more cheese, bread and dried fruit. He brought over the waterskins and they had a quick breakfast. “So you admit that  _ we  _ completed the quest, not just you?” teased Merlin.

“Merlin,” said Arthur sternly.

“Shut up?” Merlin questioned teasingly.

“You guessed it,” replied Arthur, a happy smile on his face as his eyes danced in mirth. Merlin just grinned back and shook his head.

Gwaine figured this was probably a daily occurrence between the two. “You both seem rather cozy together,” he said, hoping the words didn’t come out as bitter as he felt.

Merlin and Arthur looked at one another then back at Gwaine. “What’s that suppose to mean?” said Arthur, his voice more stern than when he had been speaking with Merlin. Merlin just looked between the two of them in concern as he continued to pack up their camp.

Gwaine didn’t really mean to get into it and hadn’t meant it to become something bigger, but after seeing them together so effortlessly his jealousy just seemed to overcome his sense.

“Nothing, just seems you’re more close than just master and servant,” Gwaine added as he picked away at his breakfast.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business, Gwaine,” said Arthur, purposely looking straight into Gwaine’s eyes. 

Gwaine let out a mirthless laugh. “You can’t even admit it outloud? That you like Merlin, that he’s  your friend?” 

“Gwaine,” said Merlin as he stood between Arthur and him.

“Well, it’s true, Merlin. You’re by his side, you risk your life for him never asking for anything in return and he can’t even acknowledge you as a friend?” said Gwaine as he stood up from the floor and made his way closer to Merlin. 

“What does that matter to you?” asked Arthur, his voice sharp and angry. He made his way behind Merlin, sidling up next to him. “Merlin knows exactly how I feel about him.”

Merlin flushed but looked away into the woods, trying to figure out what in the blazes was happening.

“Right, Merlin?” asked Arthur as he placed a heavy hand onto Merlin’s shoulder.

Merlin looked at the hand then at Arthur. Normally he would just say a funny quip or something to deflect the situation. He didn’t like looking into his relationship with Arthur. It brought about too many feelings that took him forever to muddle through. He knew that Arthur cared about it, that Arthur would risk his life to help him if he ever needed it. But he also knew that Arthur saw him as a helpless, dumb, and clumsy idiot of a servant. Sometimes Arthur’s words were as sharp as his sword and it made Merlin feel small and stupid. He hated that Arthur could not see him for who he really was and that he couldn’t show Arthur because of the prince’s hatred of magic and magic users. It was something that he tried to accept, but ever since that unpleasantness with Cedric things became a little clearer to Merlin and he hated that the line between servant and prince was there, no matter how much he wished the line could go away so they could just be Merlin and Arthur.

Merlin must have taken too long to answer that Arthur seemed to grow uneasy. “Well?” he asked, but this time his voice shook as a pain twinged in his chest. He thought that Merlin knew they were friends. He trusted Merlin above most people and thought that Merlin knew that. He couldn’t very well say it and he seldomly thought it, but it was true. He always looked to Merlin for advice and a listening ear. He counted on Merlin to make him laugh and to keep him honorable and honest. It wasn’t something he liked to consider since his father would get rid of Merlin if he knew just how much Merlin started to mean to him. Sure, Merlin could be a bit of a clumsy fool, but he was Arthur’s friend. Merlin cared little for the title of ‘prince’ and saw through that; to Merlin Arthur was just a man. It was rare and Arthur cherished that more than anything else.

“Uh…” trailed off Merlin as he looked at his shoes, “Of course I know, sire,” he said, unable to look at both Gwaine and Arthur. He wished he could have said something else, anything else. He dragged his eyes from the ground and looked at Arthur.

Arthur’s face was scrunched into confused and unhappy lines. He seemed hurt and sad and Merlin wished more than anything that he could do something to get rid of that face.

Gwaine smirked, thinking the admittance would make him feel triumphant but now it just left him feeling cold. He knew that they cared for one another, but it seemed there was something there holding them back and he had pushed and prodded until their happy friendship cracked. There was nothing triumphant about that.

"Well, that’s good then,” he cut in, hoping to dissolve the sombre mood that had enveloped the camp. “Merlin, mate,, come help me with my horse please,” said Gwaine, steering the conversation away as he walked to his horse.

He turned to see Merlin and Arthur staring at one another like they wanted to say something but neither could find the words. Slowly Merlin moved away and Arthur moved his arm off of Merlin’s shoulder. Gwaine headed back to his horse and pet it’s flank while he waited for Merlin to catch up.

“I’m sorry,” Gwaine muttered, feeling like a heel. Just because he was jealous of Merlin and Arthur it didn’t mean he had any right to question them or their relationship to one another. 

Merlin sidled up to him and started petting the horse too. “It’s okay,” Merlin said softly, deep in thought. “You’re wrong about him, by the way. I know that he thinks of me as a friend even if he doesn’t say it.”

“I know that, Merlin. I just wanted him to say it out loud, to acknowledge you. You deserve that, you know?” rhetorically asked Gwaine. They turned to look at each other. 

Merlin flushed lightly. Despite the heaviness in his heart he was pleased at Gwaine’s words. He knew that Gwaine thought of him as his best, if not only, friend and that Gwaine felt comfortable enough to not only say it out loud to but also wanted Merlin to be recognized. Too often had Merlin worked in the shadows without any recognition or reward. He knew it was destiny but destiny was a heavy burden to carry and although Gaius helped and thanked him for all his selfless acts it just wasn’t enough. Merlin craved having someone else, someone other than a fatherly figure to know him and care for him and acknowledge all the things he has done. He knew why he couldn’t have that but it didn’t mean he didn’t want it.

“Thank you, Gwaine. You don’t know how much that means to me,” Merlin said sincerely as he stared into Gwaine’s eyes. 

Now it was Gwaine’s turn to flush and he honestly didn’t know he could still do that. The sincerity in Merlin’s eyes was humbling and it made Gwaine feel a little shy.

“Let’s hurry up and get moving,” said Merlin as he walked away. Before he could get too far Gwaine reached out and grabbed by the arm.

“Merlin, when we make it back to Camelot’s borders we will have to go our separate ways. Would it be okay to write to you from time to time?” Gwaine was nervous but he didn’t like the idea of never seeing Merlin again. None knew what the future would hold for either of them, but at least he could have something of Merlin and maybe they would meet again once more.

A smile made it’s way onto Merlin’s face. “Of course!” he answered happily. Aside from Lancelot and Gwen, Gwaine was his truest friend. Merlin shook off Gwaine’s arm lightly, the warmth of his hand lingering on his skin through his clothes.

“Thanks, mate,” said Gwaine as he swung himself onto his horse.

 

* * *

Arthur felt shaken to the core. It was a heavily unpleasant feeling and he wanted it to go away. Gwaine’s words struck him more than he wanted to admit and Merlin’s response saddened him more than he thought it could. When Merlin called him  _ sire _ without any sarcasm Arthur could feel a gap between them that he hadn’t realized was there.

He knew Merlin was his friend and on occasion they had each admitted it. Looking back Arthur realized that the only times they ever said it outloud had been before they both thought they were about to go to their deaths. For some reason this made Arthur feel shamed. Gwaine was right. Not only had he hadn’t thought to thank Merlin for his help back at the Fisher King’s castle, he had just taken it for granted that Merlin had helped, as if Merlin was  _ suppose _ to help. Arthur just took it as an obvious occurrence. The more he thought about it the more he realized just how often Merlin had helped him out of dire situations and Arthur had never acknowledged it, that Arthur just assumed Merlin was going to help and do those things for him.

Never had Arthur thanked him and he didn’t like how that made him feel. Then again, how had that made Merlin feel? Arthur tried to see things from Merlin’s point of view. Merlin was a servant and his only duties extended to cleaning his clothes and chambers and accompanying him on hunting trips. No other servant was expected to be a listening ear, a speech-writer nor was any servant expected to go on dangerous quests or to risk their life time and time again for their master. Only Merlin. And Arthur had taken that for granted and probably at times took advantage of it as well. He didn’t like what that said about him and he didn’t like how much it shook the foundation of his relationship with Merlin. Maybe once they were back at Camelot Arthur could start changing things, start acknowledging all the things Merlin did for him, even if he was still a total buffoon at hunting.

“You alright there, Arthur?” questioned Merlin as he noticed that Arthur hadn’t moved from his spot. He wished Gwaine hadn’t said anything but it seemed it was too late to take it all back. “Don’t listen to Gwaine. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” said Merlin lightly. It was sort of true in a way. Gwaine had no idea about their shared destiny and just how much they meant to one another. From an outsider's point of view it was easy to mistake their relationship with how Arthur treated him and although Arthur still had no clue about his magic, that didn’t really make their relationship mean less.

“It’s alright, Merlin,” said Arthur, his voice deep and dissatisfied. “We should get moving.”

Merlin moved closer until he was only inches apart from Arthur. He looked at him until Arthur’s eyes rose to meet his own. “Arthur, I know what we are and I know that you consider me a friend as I do you. Gwaine has only seen us a few days, he doesn’t know how we are,” Merlin implored.

Arthur felt the truth in those words and felt that awful feeling uncurling from his chest.

“Besides, you’re a total cabbage-head and you’re lucky I put up with you,” teased Merlin, a broad smile on his face.

A laugh was startled out of Arthur before he could catch it. “You’re still a clotpole, Merlin,” he replied, his voice lighter.

“That’s still my word,” huffed out Merlin, his smile growing wider.

“And it still suits you too well,” teased back Arthur as his own face gentled, the harsh lines of his worry easing away. “Now move it,” he said as he shoved at Merlin lightly.

“Sure thing, dollophead!” chirped Merlin as he dashed away from Arthur’s half-hearted swing. Their things were saddled and they both climbed onto their respective horses. Merlin and Arthur turned to look at one another and could feel the ease of their relationship once more. 

Gwaine looked at them and actually felt a stirring of happiness. He hadn’t meant to cause a rift and was happy that it was on the mend. The last thing he wanted was to make Merlin unhappy. With the thought in the back of his mind that he would be able to stay in touch with Merlin he himself felt more at ease as well. Now when he wandered around and lived day by day, he at least had something like  _ home _ to look forward to.

* * *

  
  
They rode in amiable silence for a bit. It was sometimes broken up with Gwaine’s different tavern visits, Arthur’s quests, and Merlin’s castle gossip. It seemed that whatever had come between them had mended and the ease in which they chatted and joked felt a comfortable as breathing. It was then when the words from the man of the bridge made their way back into Gwaine’s head.

_ Courage, Strength, Magic _

He had been called ‘strength’ and knew without a doubt that Arthur did not have a magical bone in his body so that made him ‘courage’ - which only left magic and which then only left Merlin.

The thought hit him like a boulder falling from the sky. The realization came so suddenly that he could feel the breath leave his lungs. 

Magic. Merlin. _Magic._

It made no sense yet at the same time it made perfect sense as well. Merlin had ventured on his own to look for him and ultimately to go and help Arthur yet he didn’t carry a weapon nor wore any armor. Even the night before they made their way to the castle Merlin had offered Gwaine an out. Merlin would have gone alone without anything to help him and Gwaine had never questioned his bravery. Now he could see clearly that Merlin hadn’t needed to carry a blade nor shield for he could defend himself with his own power alone.

Gwaine came from Caerleon and while magic was also outlawed there it was still more lax than it was in Camelot. He didn’t fear magic, he honestly didn’t really have an opinion on it at all. He had seen dulled blades sharpened through sorcery but he had also seen a midwife heal a mother with a few words. He never cared much one way or another but now knowing that Merlin had magic, well it just opened a whole new world for him while a great fear welled within.

Just what the hell was Merlin doing in Camelot?!

Arthur had pulled ahead of them, leading them through the forest easily. Gwaine used the opportunity to gallop closer to Merlin until they were riding side by side like they had when they were first searching for Arthur.

“Merlin,” whispered Gwaine as low as he could but still enough to be heard. Merlin glanced over with a smile, but it soon withered away as he took in Gwaine’s serious expression.

“What?” he whispered back as he chanced a glance back at Arthur’s back.

Gwaine chose his words as carefully as he could, but diplomacy was never his strong point and so it came out more blunt than intended.

“You have magic.”

Merlin froze as his horse reared from Merlin’s sudden pull on the reins. Gwaine stopped a few steps ahead and Arthur soon followed once he didn’t hear the horses behind him. He led his horse back to Gwaine and Merlin.

“Is everything alright?” he questioned. Although he wasn’t mad at Gwaine any more, he didn’t like the wide-eye look Merlin was giving him. Merlin’s face looked as if it became a few shades paler as he gripped on the reins tightly. “Merlin?” he questioned again, now worried.

“Everything is fine, Arthur,” Merlin forced the words out as he stared directly at Gwaine. Arthur turned his head and looked at Gwaine but it seemed that neither of them were going to say anything.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, it’s fine,” Merlin answered, purposely pitching his voice to sound nonchalantly. Arthur didn’t look convinced but forced to turn his horse away and keep moving. He wanted to make it back to Camelot before nightfall.

Gwaine waited until Merlin got next to him before they continued their trot behind Arthur. They slowed their pace, making sure there was enough space as to not be overheard.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gwaine,” Merlin said, his early shock gone now as he scrambled to make his voice sound normal.

“It’s alright, Merlin,” reassured Gwaine. “I have no real opinion on it, but I know you have it and I just wanted you to know that I knew and that I have no plans to let anyone else find out.”

Merlin turned to look at him, warring between wanting to allow Gwaine the truth or to deny and lie about it further. They way Gwaine spoke it seemed that no matter what, Gwaine knew what he said was true and there was no dissuading him from it.

“Gwaine, please,” said Merlin, his voice pleading and low.

Gwaine moved his horse as close as he could and leaned over, his lips almost brushing Merlin’s ear. “I promise that your secret is safe with me.”

Merlin turned his head and gave Gwaine a watery smile. “How did you find out?”

“Courage, Strength, Magic.”

Merlin let out a self-depreciating laugh. “Of course. I’m surprised that Arthur hadn’t figured it out with such a blatant clue.”

“I’m here for you Merlin, whenever you need a shoulder to lean on or a sword to defend you with.”

Merlin took in Gwaine’s earnest expression and smiled. Lancelot and now Gwaine. Seemed Merlin needed to be more careful. He was happy though; that he could entrust these men with his deepest secret. Neither of them knew the extent of everything and probably only considered him an average magic wielder, but that was okay with Merlin. He wanted Arthur to be the first to know about everything - about their destiny, the Once and Future King, and Emrys - Arthur deserved to know all those things first and hopefully one day he would.

“Thank you, Gwaine,” Merlin answered as truthfully as he could.

Gwaine grinned. “Good, now that that is out of the way, what in the blazes are you doing in Camelot?” he hissed. He was worried about Merlin. Not only was Merlin in the most non-magical city with a death penalty he also worked for  _ Prince _ Arthur. What kind of idiot works that close to the king while having magic?

Merlin looked at Gwaine guiltily as he searched for the words. “There are things I need to do in Camelot and it’s my job to look after Arthur,” he said at last. It was vague but it seemed to be enough.

“You truly are a wonder, Merlin,” Gwaine replied as he looked at Merlin with new eyes. He knew there was something about Merlin and the amount of bravery the man had to have in order to live in that death trap day in and day out was humbling. Gwaine wasn’t sure he could do that. He wasn’t sure he could put his life on the line just by existing and still choose to be there. If anything else, this seemed to solidify to him that Merlin really was devoted to Arthur. He himself had seen how noble and kind Arthur could be and if he ever desired to become a knight Arthur was a king he would willingly follow. Merlin’s devotion almost seemed to make sense now.

Merlin blushed at Gwaine’s words, the tips of his ears gaining a rosy hue. “I’m not all that special,” he said, a bit self-depreciative.

“Merlin, my friend, you are by far the bravest man I have ever met,” Gwaine said fiercely, no doubt in his words. They stared at each other, Gwaine hoping Merlin could read the truth in his eyes.

At that Merlin straightened his back, his shoulders became a hard line as his head rose. Pride welled within him at those words and helped heal something in him he hadn’t realized had been bruised. “Thank you, Gwaine,” he replied, his voice deep and serious.

Gwaine just stared at him with new eyes as he saw Merlin’s transformation. Merlin wasn’t a meek man, but it seemed that just a few simple words help bring out someone filled with courage, someone who was assured in his own strength and Gwaine could only stare at this new figure in awe. In way he felt like he had fallen in love all over again. This was the man Merlin should be, the man he could become once all the lies and secrets could be stripped away and he looked forward to seeing more of him.

They were nearing the border and Gwaine knew that if he didn’t say anything soon he would never have the chance for a long while. 

“Merlin, I want you to know that I care for you a great deal and I’m proud that you have entrusted me with your secret.”

Merlin felt his heart beat wildly as he looked at Gwaine. The other man stared at him with something he wasn’t ready to decipher but maybe with time they could explore it. He could feel a warmth bleed into him as it warmed his heart. “I care about you too, Gwaine,” Merlin replied as his eyes roved over Gwaine’s face and body. “It helps that you’re not hard on the eyes,” he cheekily added. After the words left his mouth he felt a bit mortified. He didn’t want to make Gwaine uncomfortable.

Gwaine tried to give him a roguish grin, one that had women swooning at his dastardly charms, but instead a shy and sweet smile came out. He laughed lightly. “Thank you, Merlin. You’re not too bad yourself,” he replied, a smoldering heat entering his eyes so Merlin did not misinterpret him. It seemed that Merlin had received the message as relief and heat entered his own eyes.

“I would love to see you again, Merlin. Can we do that?” asked Gwaine, his heart pounding in his chest. He didn’t want to leave Merlin again, not after finding him and learning more about the man he had ever hoped to. Merlin gave him a long look, but grinned widely.

“Yes, of course. I’d love that as well,” he added a bit shyly. Gwaine reached over, bold and intent. He grasped one of Merlin’s hands and brought it to his lips as he placed a gentle kiss. Unbeknownst to either of them Arthur had turned around since they had both been too quiet. It was weird riding without either Merlin or Gwaine’s chatter.

As he stared at them he could feel something squeeze his heart, a sharp pain stabbing him in the chest. He had no idea why seeing Merlin and Gwaine holding hands would elicit that type of reaction in him but it had and it bothered him to no end. Without either man knowing he continued to tilt his head back, trusting his horse to not crash him into any trees.

Merlin muttered something that Arthur couldn’t hear but he could see a pink flush on his cheeks and Gwaine let out a charming grin in reply. They stopped momentarily and Merlin moved as close as he could, Gwaine meeting him halfway and they shared a kiss. Gwaine’s hand reached over and cupped Merlin’s cheek as he tilted his head a bit to the side. Arthur could only stare, unsure at what he should do, if he should do anything. Merlin was his manservant and it was his job to protect him, even from Gwaine. Especially from Gwaine. He could feel himself flushing in embarrassment. It wasn’t the first time he had seen two men kiss, it just happened that this was the first time he had seen two men kiss so intimately. Some knights would lay with their squires or servants when it was cold or during long campaigns and everyone looked the other way. It had only ever been for relief from stress and not something soft like care and love. Arthur hadn’t ever been inclined. Then again, he never had a servant last as long as Merlin had. He tried to picture what Gwaine saw in Merlin. 

Merlin had ridiculously large ears, his clothes hung off him unflatering, and his neckerchief was just down-right awful. He was clumsy and loud and annoying.

He forced himself look past that and took in Merlin’s pale skin, his long lashes, deep blue eyes, plush pink lips and long, thin fingers. Merlin looked delicate at times, but the broadness of his shoulders and his height made him look strong too. Merlin was a list of contradictions and he knew that there was something about Merlin he just couldn’t put a finger on. He was enigmatic and secretive but also silly and wise. The more Arthur thought about Merlin the more the fluttering feeling in his stomach continued to build. He forced those thoughts and feelings as deep as they could go. Whatever Merlin did on his own time was his own business, Arthur tried to convince himself.

  
The words rang hollow.

* * *

 

Gwaine hadn’t expected the kiss. He could still feel Merlin’s warmth on his palm and against his tongue and inwardly cursed Uther that he could not have this. He wanted to kiss Merlin forever, wanted to feel him and hold him and talk to him about his magic.

Merlin wasn’t faring any better. He hadn’t kissed anyone since Freya and once again it was with someone who knew him, who knew he had magic, and it was the most freeing sensation in the world. He craved this like he hadn’t anything before and Gwaine was sweet, noble, and daring and everything Merlin never thought he could have. Camelot and Arthur needed him, but Gwaine  _ wanted _ him and that meant more to Merlin than he could ever say. Gwaine was also handsome and Merlin had no idea what he saw in him, but wasn’t about to question it either.

“Only a few more hours until we reach the citadel,” called out Arthur.

Merlin and Gwaine both kicked at their horses so they could catch up with Arthur. They finally made it out of the forest and into a wide, open plain. They rode up next to each other, Arthur on the far right and Merlin in the middle with Gwaine on the left.

“This is the border,” said Gwaine, his voice filled with an emotion he didn’t want to name. “By Uther’s decree I can go no further.” Merlin turned to look at him with sadness. It seemed everything would be taken from him by Uther. It made him feel a little bitter.

“I’m sorry, Gwaine,” replied Arthur. And he found that he was. No matter what feelings he had toward Gwaine and how he had kissed Merlin, he was sorry that his father was unreasonable and unfair. “Nothing I can do to change that.”  _ Yet. _

Merlin looked at Arthur with a frown but quickly turned back to Gwaine. “Maybe one day,” Merlin said with hope. 

“Yeah. When Camelot get’s itself a half-decent king,” Gwaine replied, bitterness in his words. He had hoped they came out more as a tease but seeing as he had to leave Merlin again didn’t sit well with him.

“Careful,” chided Arthur as he rolled his eyes. He knew what Gwaine meant but he had no right to talk about his father that way.

Merlin only had eyes for Gwaine and the broad grin on his face made Gwaine smile in return at their own private joke. A small huff of laughter escaped through Merlin’s lips.

“He’s my father,” solemnly continued Arthur. 

“Well, you can’t have everything,” joked Gwaine, wanting to make Merlin laugh and smile more. Besides, it was fun to tease Arthur and now he knew why Merlin did it so often.

“Where will you go this time?” Merlin asked. He wondered if Gwaine would really write to him.

Gwaine stuck his finger in his mouth and Merlin tried not to moan. Gwaine checked the air like what he was doing actually meant something. 

“I think I’ll ride south.”

Merlin turned to look at Arthur and they shared an incredulous look. Was Gwaine really serious?

“You can’t keep living like that,” said Merlin, some of his own worry coating his words. He cared for Gwaine and wanted him to find a home somewhere. Maybe Merlin could get a few days off to visit him.

“Yeah, but it’s fun trying,” Gwaine replied, self-depreciated. He wanted a home, he wanted Merlin, but it just didn’t seem to be at the moment. 

Arthur gave Gwaine a look and a thankful nod and urged his horse forward to give them some space to talk without him present. He didn’t want to do it, but he knew that Merlin deserved to say his own goodbyes without Arthur there. It was the least he could do after Merlin and Gwaine had helped him, no matter how unsolicited that help had been.

“Thanks, Gwaine,” said Merlin. There was more he wanted to say but there just wasn’t anymore time. He didn’t want to prolong their departure because all it would do was make it harder to say goodbye.

Gwaine seemed to think the same thing. He moved his horse closer anyway and gripped Merlin’s hand. “I’ll write to you once I settle and I’ll await a reply. I’ll only move on once I get it,” Gwaine said. Merlin entwined their fingers.

“I’ll hold you to it,” said Merlin as he squeezed their fingers together.

“Take care of yourself, Merlin.”

Merlin squeezed their fingers even tighter, not wanting to let go. “You too.”

He chanced a quick glance at Arthur. Noticing that the prince had his back to them Merlin took a chance and leaned over, placing a hasty and warm kiss on Gwaine’s cheek.

“Till next time,” said Merlin as he took his hand back and urged his horse forward. He forced himself not to look back because he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to walk away again.

Gwaine stayed seated where he was, watching until Merlin and Arthur made it into the next forest past the plain. His hand rested lightly over his cheek where Merlin had kissed him as he hoped to hold onto the warmth as long as he could.

  
  


**THE END.**


End file.
